The Key

Yesterday, Teagan, our 10 year old told us it was time she have her own house key. We were leaving the house and I noticed she had brought along her purse with some of her belongings inside. I immediately agreed that she should have her own key. I realized how she is quickly gaining more independence and it both excites and scares me. She is slowly being left home alone for short time periods. She walks the dog alone around the neighborhood. She had permission to bike to her friend's house without an adult. The other night I checked on her after she had fallen asleep. It was then that I noticed how her feet nearly hang off the end of her bed. When did those legs become so very long? I wish I could keep her this way forever. But I know she will grow and fly away someday. So I will go tomorrow to get a house key made for her. I will hand it over to her with excitement thinking of her becoming more independent and responsible, along with regret that someday she will not longer need it. In reality, it means so much more than just a key. The thought of her ever returning that key or not needing that key any longer, saddens me beyond belief. I fear the day our 4 bedroom home comfortably accommodates guests. The day will come when she will leave our house and venture off somewhere new. She will head off to college or move out of state. There will be a day when she has her own key to a different place that she calls home. When that time arrives, I will try to accept it but she had better always keep this key close at hand. She will forever be welcomed at this home.

Here are a few of my favorite things...

Looking over this blog, I feel the need to give it a little flair. A little more splash of me. So here are some images of what makes me smile everyday. This is a glimpse of what makes me happy. What makes your world a little brighter everyday?

Bram entertaining himself (and me) this morning. What an imagination!

Everyone needs a gentle reminder.

I love pears. More to admire than eat.

This sign makes me happy.

This is my kitchen windowsill with my little yellow bird. Bram painted the pot blue and the lotion is my favorite.

Flowers make winter not feel quite so drab.

An original 'Finley' work of art.

How can I NOT enjoy spending money when my wallet looks like this?

The kids love this hand towel. I just hope they actually use it too.

The reason my life is complete.

Charlie, my little buddy.

Finley's famous heart rock. It may not have appeared in her magazine contest, but I love it!

Lift off

I gave this whole blogging adventure some thought today. I tried to delve deep into why in the world I have this craving to write. I love expressing myself via the written word and can do it clearer than in face to face conversation. Not to say that I'm incapable or uncomfortable having small talk, but there has always been a bit of hesitation on my part. A sense that I won't live up to 'pleasing that person'. To sum it up, I'm just too 'nice'. See I'm someone who likes 'nice' people and strives to be one. When I talk to someone, I focus upon "them". What do they want to talk about? How can I make them happy? Why would they be concerned with my viewpoints? It must be the inner mom in me. Always focusing on caring for others. Well in writing I have discovered a great sense of freedom. All those 'niceties' become irrelevant. I am who I am. I will say what I want to say without hesitation. Kind of empowering considering how many years I've spent walking away from people asking myself, did they like me? Did I say the right words? Now, I don't have to really care. And it's awesome. I walk with a more confident stride, speak without such caution and know that life can be about ME sometimes. What do I have to contribute? Well here you have it. Completely unabashed, exposed me. Vulnerable with each word I write, yet bolder than ever. I plan to spill it all out and if you care to read, please do. As a stay-at-home mom, I am at a strange crossroads in life. My children are in school all day, my husband has built a career for himself and now here I am. Waiting. Waiting for a lift off to something different. Writing gives me a sense of taking a journey. A journey that I finally have the time to take. Maybe it will be that little boost of fulfillment that I crave....I'll try anyhow.

Welcome to my world

I'm a procrastinator. And I'm always late. That's how the name of my blog, Two Steps Behind, came to be. See I always feel as though I take one step ahead, only to find myself two steps behind. Like this moment right now. I have intended to begin blogging for over a year now. So why am I embarking on this journey at 2am? Because that's how I work. I just celebrated my 38th birthday. It gave me time to reflect upon where I'm at and where I'm headed and where I should REALLY be. There are many aspects of my life that need tweaking to put it gently. I am a dreamer and a thinker, but not so much of a 'do-er'. And that needs to change. Therefore, beginning my blog at 2am is a necessary action. See... I'm becoming a 'do-er'. I also procrastinate, worry too much, complain too much, raise my voice too much, swear way too much, and I am perpetually LATE. Not just late to school, late to meetings, late to a lunch date, but ALWAYS late. I was born late - two days, in fact. I blame my entire life of lateness on simply entering the world two days past my due date. So this year, my 39th year of life, I declare to make changes for the better. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I'm just not so sure it's as perfect as I'd like. Oh, and I failed to mention that I'm a major perfectionist which clearly explains why I dream instead of do. If I know I can't do it perfectly, then why bother. That's an attitude that definitely needs attention. I'm learning that nothing in life is perfect and so much passes us by when we let it overtake us. So... here is the beginning of my journey to finding inner peace, adjusting my imbalances and blogging about my life and adventures. I am a wife and mom to three amazing children and I find I have a million observations about all that I experience and explore everyday. I hope to share it in writing. Here goes...